Trust Issues, Chapter 4 (Victory Baptist)

  

My mother sent me to live with my grandparents in the country after my eight-grade year. At first, the thought of being so far from my siblings, friends and everything familiar seemed a terrible situation but it was a blessing. Not only had my family moved an hour away, but intended to leave me there, too. I ended up pleading my way back home, and attending High School where I was meant to- a beautiful small town in Upstate NY an hour away from the horrors of our childhood. 

My height and build made me the butt of many jokes in middle school, but also strong enough to physically defend myself against the small-town bullies but, eventually helped make me an athlete by twelve. Being an athlete was the perfect outpour of emotion. I was aggressive and had an outlet at the perfect age to be able to express it. Being in a new school, and town, where no one knew the fires we escaped, allowed me the freedom to rebuild. I enjoyed my classes, kept to myself but stayed involved in projects like building the Homecoming float, the dance that followed and eventually joined the "Bible kids" at a Friday night Youth Group. 

Victory Baptist was a small church, but mighty. It offered a Youth Night on Fridays for high school aged students in the area to gather, safely and in the arms of God. For many nights, it was just that. Hours of play, inside and out, rooms with instruments that we could gather to jam, and after evening worship, we'd almost always go to Applebee's before we went to our prospective homes. 

This youth group was a positive experience until it wasn't. One night the Pastor set up a spinning board to throw darts at. On the spinning board was a chicken. I was already a vegetarian for ethical reasons. Watching this man throw darts at this life was life-altering. Though many kids watched in awe, I was terrified. I don't remember the outcome of that night- whether the chicken lived or died. The likelihood that I blacked out is likely. It was something that happened when faced with intense fear since I was young.